Train ANYWHERE!

Before I begin this article I would just like to briefly state that you cannot infact train anywhere. You cannot, for example, train in lava; you will die. Just so we're on the same page.
Anyway, if you're a real gym fanatic, you probably would train in lava. You would probably think 'Shit! Why am I in lava? I am dying! Oh well, might as well do some press ups before I go...' If this is the case then you will definitely want to train when you're in say a hotel. But how? How to train in a hotel with no gym? My friend, if this is you, you are reading the correct article. Just as Jason Bourne can turn anything into a weapon, I Adam Sinicki can turn anything into a dumbbell.

Portable training equipment rated
To start with, there are certain items that you can carry with you in a bag that can aid your training.

Ab belts: You know the electric muscle stimulators. These are fairly useful. Not as good as sit ups but better than nothing and you can even do them on a train or plane (although people might get worried when they see you're plugged into loads of wires).
Ab roller thing: Not really sure what the correct term is. The box is in my cupboard. Am I going to get up and look? Don't be stupid. These are actually pretty crap anyway, I bought mine because I saw Jackie Chan using one. It was a waste of money.
Elastic band things: Again, I'm sure they have a proper name. It's on the tip of my tongue (/fingers). These are actually pretty good, and if you cut the band and re-attach them to the handles you can make them tougher or use them for pec exercises. It's a bugger though when they snap and whip you across the back. I had Rambo like scratches across my torso for days... which was well cool.
Water dumbbells: To be honest I don't own a pair of these and have never used one. But I mean it's fairly obvious what they do and again I'm sure they're better than nothing. I'd say they're a fairly worthy purchase if you do travel allot. Certainly better than 'bin filled with water' which I explain further down (I write articles from the bottom up sometimes).
Grip trainers: The things you squeaze in your hands and will train your forearms. Again you can use them on the train (why do you think it's called a train hm?? It's for working out in! Not mere riding!)
Ankle/Wrist weights: They'll weigh you down in your bag a bit and aren't really worth it if you're seriously into training except perhaps for shadow boxing. I bought mine because I was 'going to wear them under my clothes 24/7' (I'd been watching too much Dragon Ball Z again). That didn't work out, big suprise.
Gym ball: How can that fit in my bag? You dumbbass! Deflate it! Sorry if you weren't one of those dumbbasses. These are good. Get one for home even if you don't travel much.
Any stick: Sit ups with a stick behind your head are incredibly difficult as they isolate the abs. Sticks are an awkward shape but generally light and can be found in most locations. If you can find a broom where you are that will do nicely.

Working out in a hotel room
Obviously any bodyweight exercises can be performed in a hotel, as can dynamic tension (tensing your muscles as you go through the motion of an exercise) and some static contraction (pushing against a wall for example). But how can you really get that burn? (I should advise against doing pull ups on the curtain rail. You'll break it and will have to pay. I know).
If your room has one or more chairs you can use these to make bodyweight training harder. For example you can stand two chairs oposite each other and do dips inbetween them with your legs bent. If there are three, you can arrange them so you have one for each hand and one for your feet (or if you have two your feet can go on the bed). Now you can go lower on your press ups. They kind of 'suspended press ups' and they are more similar to bench presses.
Speeking of bench presses there are two things that might just be useable as a makeshift barbell. One is your suite case, particularly if you fill it with other things from around the room. Another is a bin filled with water, although to be honest this is that practical and still not that heavy... and if it goes wrong you'll be very wet. Another use for the suitcase is curling, which will be almost as good as using a dumbbell if it has a handle. If it has a side-handle even bent-over-rows are feasible.
Many door frames also enable you to do pull ups from them (again, make sure it can take your weight first). It will be difficult clinging onto the thing frame which will test your finger and forearm strength. This is actually a training method used by rock climbers.

Working out outside
Once when I was fifteen I was waiting for my Mum to pick me up from the bus station having returned from London. For whatever reason she was going to be late (probably just for a laugh) so I was stuck there for an hour. Being a mentally unstable child I decided to use the time to have a work out, I did chin ups from the bus shelter and dips on the railings. It was brilliant. You can do the same.
If there's a playground near where you're staying you can do pullups, chin ups, dips, suspended press ups and all sorts of gymnastic movements. I used to live with a playground behind my house and about once a fortnight I'd train out there just for variation. They were some of my best workouts.
In a forest tree branches are pull up bars and big rocks are great for compound movements as are logs. At the end of the day though you have to ask yourself how you let your life get to the point where you are doing a workout in a forest... it's a bit weird.

If there are two of you
If there are two of you and your friend/girlfriend is also nuts you can also try benching each other. The fact that humans wriggle means you'll have to use a lot of supporting muscles. You can also pull on each other's arms while they curl or punch forwards.
Sit ups where you each hold each other's legs down are also a good two person movement. As are press ups where one of you puts your feet on the other one's back; the one person is doing an inclined movement while the other is doing his press ups with extra weight, then you swap.
If you're a Father you can even curl your kids (get them to hang off either arm). There are certain exercises however where using children is dangerous and inapropriate. Bare that in mind; the rspcc may get involved.

Conclusion
Some of the ideas in this article are good solid exercises, some are nuts - but that's partly what makes them useful. Obviously most of them would not make a good cornerstone for a training programme, but as one off's during a weekend break they are certainly adequate and more to the point they offer something different to shock your muscles. This way you've made the most of being away from the gym by experimenting with something different - you've made lemon juice from lemons. You have to keep the body guessing and the mind interested.

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