Become Immortal - how to live forever (or at least not die for a few more years)

'Who wants to live forever' asked Freddie Mercury in the song of the same name. The answer? Most evil villains and probably about 1/3rd of the general population. A more pertinent question then is 'how does someone going about living forever?'
Several have tried but few have managed to make it past the 110 mark. There are many theories and ideas, both old and new however that promise to lengthen our life spans, some even promise to extend it indefinitely. I investigate some of the methods that promise immortality in an article that turned out to be scientific, philosophical and metaphysical... and so far it seems to be working...

Diet

A study on lab rats showed that a rat who barely eats can live much longer than those on a normal diet. It seems that the lower our calorific intake, the longer we can live. There is a problem with this however, and this is something that one dipstick found out for himself - stopping eating will also make you incredibly weak. The man who tried it went the whole hog and ate only one apple each day. Within a few weeks he was trembling from his lack of carbs, his muscles had wasted away and he'd developed osteoporosis. What a prick. Still, generally restricting calories may aid longevity. The take home message is not to become a fatty. Ask yourself: do you really need that extra donut?
Check out more of the story here.

Antioxidants however can more safely increase our chances of not dying. They work by preventing the oxidisation of molecules, a process that releases free radicals and other reactive oxygen species thus damaging our cells. In essence we as humans 'rust' over time from using oxygen and antioxidants can slow this process down considerably. Additionally antioxidants can help prevent many diseases including cancer by preventing damage to our DNA. Foods with a particularly high amount of anti oxidants are cherry tomatoes, celery and, of course, tuna. Tuna: superfood! One powerful antioxidant is anthocyanin, which is also what gives red wine its health benefits.
Many other foods and supplements can help fight disease and ageing such as collagen and amino acids. Omega 3 for example can help prevent heart disease. Guess what has Omega 3 in it? Yup, tuna all the way. Obviously no food will actually prevent death however (what you didn't know?). Basically try to eat healthily and not to pig out too regularly and you'll be on the right lines. Oh and eat tuna.

Becoming a jellyfish

Yes, the Turritopsis nutricula jellyfish is actually an immortal species. It sounds unbelievable but by transforming back into a child (or 'polyp') this jellyfish has effectively got an indefinite life span. Obviously it can be killed by predators but will not die of age-related factors. Bacteria too appears never to age, although when it reproduces via cell-division it kind of dies in a way... or is it just... twice?

Let me know how that turns out...

Tai Chi

Tai Chi promises to extend the lifespan of its practitioners and I have seen some pretty nimble old blokes as a result of the martial art. To suss it out I decided to give it a go myself along with my step Granddad Bernard and although I was not at the time in any danger of dying, I could see some health benefits from just a year in attendance. Most proof came from our teachers, an old married couple of hippies who didn't own a TV. Don't tell them I called them weird though that though or they'll break a slab of concrete with their heads which will be unpleasant to view but won't really effect me. Impressively though the 60 year-old bloke could suspend himself horizontally by resting his head on the edge of a chair; he seemed to be living proof that his art could keep you not only healthy, but incredibly powerful into old age.

So how does this ancient system work? Where does it come from? Well apparently Tai Chi is one of the oldest forms of Martial Arts. An 'internal' style from China that may be connected to Yoga and other Indian practices, which some say could be the source of origin for all Martial Arts. The word 'internal' indicates a 'soft' style, meaning it's movements are slower and the limbs are kept less rigid, the defense mainly comes from evading attacks and catching your oponents off-balance.

Generally Chinese styles are 'soft' while Japanese or Okinawan are hard and external with more direct, powerful strikes. In Tai Chi in particular you practice every movement in slow-motion and while completely relaxed. It's been described as 'meditation in motion'. Not only does this keep you loose and calm (thus lowering blood pressure etc etc) but is also incredibly difficult improving balance and strength.
Internal styles also focus on the use of 'Qi' (also known as 'Chi' or 'Ki') which is an invisible force that our body can apparently channel. More importantly it's what they use to shoot fireballs in Dragon Ball Z. My teacher couldn't fire fireballs and seemed to get rather riled when you asked him if he could. This was apparently the secret to the concrete smashing and the incredibly strong neck however. It's also what Shaolin monks use to do their one-finger handstands. Personally I'm rather skeptical but when you see a feat like that it's hard to explain in rational terms, although Bruce Lee achieved similar ability using non-controversial techniques. It's also the basis of 'healing arts' like Reiki, which I'm convinced work mainly due to placebo effects and the power of the human mind.

The chances are that there is a more sound explanation, probably something to do with imagery, balance, concentration and allot of training. But basically it entails holding strange positions call Qi Gong for lengths of time while using visualising techniques to circle it from your 'Dan Tien' (roughly the solar plexus, also the centre of gravity in the human body). It does sound a little bit like nonsense and to feel any benefits will take years and years. So long as you don't expect to fly in a week you should be happy with the results, but why would you expect to? I mean, I wouldn't... obviously... But there are definitely health benefits, even if they aren't as great as the teachers claim.

Bernard started with me started partly due to back problems, Tai Chi promised to help posture, flexibility and strengthen bones as well as improving various other aspects of health. At first it seemed to work wonders but after a year of training his back gave way while he was lifting a man in a wheel chair (ironic) and a few months later he was hit by a stroke. Obviously I'm not blaiming Tai Chi, but it certainly didn't do wonders in keeping him healthy.
So in other words Tai Chi has health benefits sure, just like any martial art does, but it doesn't work miracles and if anything it's effects are more a testiment to the power of the human mind.

Science

The very definition of death has changed in recent times, recently a conference was held to try and decide on the official line. In a time when we can bring people back from the brink when are we truly dead? Is it when we are brain dead? Is it when our heart stops? Currently a patient is classed as dead once their brain has undergone irreparable damage. But what if the brain could also be fixed? Stem cell research and other technology promise the possibility to regenerate any part of the human anatomy including brain tissue. Some day technology might come about that can revive us after hours of being dead.

Genetics could also be the key to the elixir of youth. It turns out that we are 'programmed' to die. That is there is a specific gene in place that's designed to 'switch off' our ability to replace cells means that not only could we potentially prevent death, but ageing too.
For many of us though these miracle remedies will come too late and we'll already be ahead. Not Walt Disney, who has used cryonics to freeze himself until such time as scientists can reverse the ageing provess. For the rich and famous this is one way to gain a certain amount of immortality, but it's incredibly costly, especially considering the fact that the technology may never exist.

Even if the technology does arrive before we die, it would result in endless difficulties however and it's unlikely that it would be made accessible for ethical reasons. A world where no one dies would become overpopulated quickly and wouldn't have the resources to support itself. This means that any permanent life extension technology will likely remain an option only available to the rich. At least until we can colonise other planets.

But if we can always bring people back then where do we draw the line and refuse to revive a patient? When they run out of money? Should we be looking for cures to diseases at all in that case? It's heavy stuff.
A way around this problem would be uploading a human mind onto a computer. This would in theory allow us to live immortal lives without draining resources or causing problems associated with over-population. However it does pose a problem philosophically in that this would basically just be a copy of you rather than actually being you. To prevent this scientists are thinking of replacing brain components one at a time, slowly handing over more and more control to the machine, thus preventing any identity issues. But still would it really be you in there? How would you ever know for sure? Your brain is changing all the time and so is there any continuity in consciousness at all? All you know is that you have memories, is this proof that you are the same person you were when you were four? I need to go and lie down...

A time machine might enable us to travel backwards in time and even bring people into the future. However I have proven that time machines won't work with my head. If you think about it, any action you cause in the past will cancel itself out as when you come to change it, it will already have happened. For example, you travel back in time and move a stone, nothing drastic changes in the future. Time continues as normal until the point where you build your time machine (well done) you go back in time, but there is no stone to move. Therefore it never happened. Basically then any change you make to the time line, no matter how small, will cancel itself out. Good bit of philosophising there huh?
In other words don't hold your breath (which will in fact shorten your life span).

Drugs

An offshoot of science really but a massive market in their own right. Certain drugs also promise to increase your lifespan and idiots all over the world have been duped into shelling out on crap. One such drug is the controversial HGH, or human growth hormone, that's also used by many bodybuilders to add muscle. The hormone is produced naturally by the body, particularly in children who are still growing, and promotes the repairing and repairing of tissue. It may just be the secret behind 60 year-old Stallone's amazing abs.

Of course like all drugs HGH has its side effects and can cause changes to face, as features such as the jaw will continue to grow. It can also damage the liver, make the pituitary gland lazy (which normally produces HGH naturally), cause achey joints, acromegaly and carpal tunnel syndrome and create enlarged male breasts (awesome). For these reasons HGH is normally only administered as a last resort for those who have growth dissorders or a defficiency of natural hormones.
A recent much publicised injection that goes for £1,000 a shot has also claimed to be an elixir of youth although it's too new to know what the long term effects will be and way too expensive to matter.

And get this: anti-ageing creams don't actually stop you from ageing! What's up with that??

Religion

Most religions offer an immortal afterlife for the well behaved but no one will know for sure how reliable these accounts are until it's too late (and I certainly have my doubts). Also, no one knows what the immortal afterlife will be like. For those who want to stick around in this life it's no help at all.
Some religions however do supposedly offer a way to achieve physical immortality and many devoted practitioners have dedicated their life to this end. Followers of Sri Aurobindo (an Indian Hindu) pursue a state of 'the supermind' which can trancend physical death.
Advanced Yogis (practitioners of Hinduism) also claim to be able to 'body jump', transfering their soul into the body of another (fit lesbians usually I believe). As ever so far the Yogis have failed so far to come up with solid evidence and even if it is possible you'd probably be dead by the time you figured out how to do it. That would suck wouldn't it?
Then there are those who believe that certain artefacts can grant immortality; the holy grail and the philosopher's stone being the most well known. Leave that to Indy though (mind you he's currently making Indy 4 and he's no spring chick...).

Are you already immortal?

Some scientists think you might be. Not you personally, that would be strange, but people in general. It's called 'quantum immortality' and it describes us as always existing in at least a few universes.
Basically it's based on quantum science which is the study of really small things (like, photon small, not ant small), the behaviour of which can be described in two ways: either our conciousness can effect the world around us or there are infinite branching universe. If the many universes camp is correct then there is a universe where every possibility is reality. So, if you were to try to shoot yourself in the head, you would create several different alternate realities - and in several you would survive. You would therefore continue to be alive in these realities. If this theory was correct this might mean that we are each living in the universe where effects meant that we live the longest. But then is there even such thing as chance in physics?

Come to think of it I myself have fallen down a mountain, dodged a firework, crashed my car and fallen off a roof and so far haven't died... That said, I don't really recomend you test the theory as you won't know if it's worked until your dead and then it might be a bit late.

Press Ups!

If you leave this site having learned one thing I want it to be that press ups are the secret to everything. Press ups and tuna.
Buster Martin is England's oldest employee at 101 and is also something of a legend with his own bitter names after him. His other claims to fame are being in the Zimmers (the pop group of pensioners), having defended himself against a group of thugs, and refusing to take a day off work on his hundredth birthday. What's his secret? Well among other things, he puts it down to doing press ups every night before he goes to bed.
In general all exercise will help keep you healthy, strengthening bones, joints and muscles and preventing heart problems. While it's true that a more sedentry life can in theory cause less damage to your body and help the body survive longer (possibly the reason turtles live so much longer than flies), the benefits of exercise far outweigh the cons.

Psychology

But Buster had another quality that was possibly even more crucial to his survival than the press ups and that was his will and determination. Buster never missed a day of work (except for a few days wile he had an in-growing toenail removed (why do I know that??)), even on his 100th birthday, and I believe that this is what keeps him alive. Our determination and drive can keep our body going long after it should have ceased to function, just look at Bruce Forsyth!
Those with grandparents will have noticed how much they suddenly age when they retire from work. It's as though without purpose our body gives up on us.
The mind/body link is also demonstrated in cases of illness. Studies have shown that cancer patients rated high in 'hardiness' (essentially determination as described by Salvatore R. Maddi, Ph.D.) were shown to be more likely to recover. Having a loved one nearby has also been shown to aid recovery. Again it may be that by willing yourself to recover (and so by having something or someone to live for) you can greatly improve your chances of survival. It may also explain why things such as praying and reiki have been shown to help - as believing that you will recover can actually help you to do so.

I believe that characters such as Rasputin have actually managed to fight off death by gun and poison through sheer will. This kind of mental drive will see you well in life as well and ensure that you are more likely to achieve your goals and get what you want. I call this being 'bulletproof'. If you're bulletproof in your own head then you'll be bulletproof in real life too.
And if your will is strong enough and you apply that to all areas of life, if you're a bulletproof legend, you'll live on in another way - perhaps the most important way: through your legacy.

Of course you could always try eating your dead.

Conclusion: Think unstoppable, eat tuna and do press ups.

'What we do in life echoes in eternity' - Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor... etc.